Caution

I used to live with a Vietnam Vet who thought it would be funny to set light to one of my farts MAN ALIVE that was an experience never to be repeated – for a split second everything down there was on fire. The smell of singed fur lingered for weeks + it’s never grown back properly. I look like I’ve had chemo for colon cancer. After that I used to pee in his bed but he was so trashed he thought he’d done it himself. I managed it for about a fortnight until he caught me red-pawed........ then, with his only remaining leg, he kicked me, twice, first in my crotch, then he kicked me out.