Toddy gets a buzz

Wasps or bees for that matter, with their tantalising buzzing are just begging me to chase them and snap them up. I reckon if we could translate their buzzing it would say something like “cummmm and get meeeeee, you’llll be sorreeeeeee” so I do, natch, but man does THAT story have a sting in the tail. I just never seem to remember that all stripey flying things are a spiteful combination. On their own flying things are fine like, say, Frisbees and stripey things like zebras are nice despite the mental scarring of being a freakish cousin of the horse. A lesser animal would have hang-ups about looking so ridiculous and maybe beat up the giraffes to vent their frustrations. But enough of this safari madness, I digress.

Bees have stupid names. I’m not talking Donatella (comfort food for PMT?) or all the names with “sh” in them that hoochies and pimps favour, (Chanel, Ashley, Breechelle, Leeshawn – riDICKulous....)

What I mean with bees is why the extra “e”? Be is perfectly adequate and bees are just ostentatious. Yup, they’re another one for my shit list, though at least they die if they sting me, hah!

A wasp, however, is a mean MoFo. He’ll sting you just becoz and the pain’s enough to make a nun punch a baby. I know we’re not meant to make a fuss or it’ll make them angry, (not the nuns) but they get angry even if you just look at them funny (akch nuns get angry if you look at them funny, you just can’t see it under all those tents they wear).

As to why Sting would want to choose such a name is beyond me. It doesn’t suit his music: a bit nothingy to have anything like the impact of a sting. More like a little prick.