Prince Charles

Is Charlie Boy a loser or an eternal optimist? You’d think he’d have given up hope of ever becoming the King of England when his grandma reached 213yrs old or whatever it was. Reality check you inbred, men die younger than women so Mommy Dearest will quite probably outlive you: especially as you carry the curses of millions of Princess Di fans on your shoulders.

I suspect he’s not only doomed, he’s doolally. He talks to the organic plants + veg he grows (to sell!!!) How would that go do you think? Does he say I’m in the mood for matricide? I think I’ll try a spot of paedophilia with a bulimic clothes horse? I want to marry someone who looks like cattle next time? Oh lawyers stfu it’s pure conjecture on my part.

It’s not so much the chatting to flora as the aspirations of being a grocer that poses questions about his sanity. Isn’t owning half the island lucrative enough? What is this English governance/grocer thing, the brits had it with Thatcher too. Man she was plain old scary - I knew Rottweilers that were afraid of her.

I suppose those humungous ears could be something for the laydeez to hold on to while he’s down south. I’m guessing he never travelled much, so to speak, or Saint Di might have found it harder to kick the Charlie habit. I’ve had dinners last longer than that marriage. Ironically Di never had though, I gather she’d virtually inhale huge meals, only to re-serve them down the pan shortly after – kinda like a cat with a fur ball.

Wasted food, Charles’s wasted life, it’s all too depressing. He should’ve taken a leaf out of his ancestors’ books, or mine, and spent his time chasing tail instead of getting hitched to a neurotic or running “chariddy” building projects for delinquents. Screw them, they’re delinquents. Talking of which, his son, Harry Pothead, is it me or is he a dead-ringer for his dad?