Downside to dog farts

I give farts 9/10 on the Toddy Scale as they aren’t always a gas. On the down side there can be a follow-through which is not only embarrassing, but gets me into trouble when I’m indoors but obviously outside I can shit myself with abandon: a bit like women giving birth...... or old people.

I’m sure those wiley codgers only do it so carers have to clear it up: it makes up for being spoonfed mashed everything by patronising jerks who probably steal their valuables and make them think they’ve got alzheimers: “Oh No Mrs .Ancient, you never had a diamond ring.”

Another down side is that we dogs often get blamed for human farts, which is unfair, but you can always redress the balance by licking the cutlery on a laid table while they’re busy serving dinner. If you live with slobs then open cans of beer will do.